The Welcome Directory

We had a conversation with *John who spoke about how he found his faith in prison and became deeply immersed in his role as a chaplaincy orderly for seven years. He shared how his release was such an extreme and challenging shift because opportunities to continue practicing his faith were so limited and because moving forward with the label of ‘prisoner’ is so difficult. 

Finding my Faith in Prison

Whilst I was in prison I spent time in chaplaincy and met a Pastor. She would talk about Jesus and this spoke to me and made me want to know more. People in prison would also tell me that I had Jesus with me and I didn’t realise it at the time, but it was phenomenal. I then went to a different prison where the chaplaincy team saw both my faith and how much I encouraged other people in their faith, which led to me working seven days a week as an orderly and providing pastoral support. Many different people wanted support, including those who didn’t practice a faith, but sought comfort after a bereavement, for example. I did this for about seven years, until I was released. During this time  I was immersed in faith, going to Chapel every day, reading scripture, worshipping and fellowship.

"I was immersed in faith [in prison], going to Chapel every day, reading scripture, worshipping and fellowship”.

My Faith After Release

Coming out of prison felt like one extreme to another. There was nothing. Although I do understand that this was a lot to do with restrictions related to my offence. I was placed in a hostel and the chaplain put me in touch with the Pastor of the church who was brilliant. We have lots in common like football, music and the word of God. Due to restrictions I couldn't attend the church on a Sunday, but they made it possible for me to attend an evening during the week. The Pastor helped me both  spiritually and emotionally by sending me scriptures over the phone and encouraging me to watch the church’s Sunday service on YouTube.    

I had never been to church outside of prison, so I only understood what church was like in prison where I had a position and some status as I was leading the prayers and was deeply involved. Coming out and being part of the congregation was initially different, but the spoken prayers were the same. There was worship, music and a bit of fellowship afterwards.   

The Pastor and a few church leaders knew about my past, but most others who attended the service did not. I was on licence so I had to be back at the hostel at a certain time which meant I couldn’t hang around and chat, but I knew a few people through a  sports team and because I played the guitar. The congregation were welcoming, but I didn’t mention where I came from in case some people turned their nose up at me. But I also wondered how far you leave it before people say “why didn’t you tell me? You're being dishonest”. I think about that too.  

“It feels like I’m on a bungee cord and people just yank me back. It’s hard”. 

A Never Shifting Label

When you go to prison you stop being treated as an individual and instead get treated as a category - you’re all given the same label of ‘prisoner’. My identity was ripped away. After release, people say ‘what if…xyz?’ Those two words dominate absolutely everything and stop us from moving forward. You did this, so you’re that, so we’re going to treat you like this... no matter how much you grow, develop and move forward. It feels like I’m on a bungee cord and people just yank me back. It’s hard.    .

Post Release Priorities

Family reconciliation - rebuilding those relationships - was an important priority for me after my release, but trying to move forward and linking with the past was difficult, especially with licence conditions. Although moving to an area where nobody knew me was great, it was also bad, because there’s no one to turn to for a chat. I built up acquaintances, but nobody knows  my background because my past is my past - it’s finished. This makes me feel like I’m being dishonest sometimes and I find it frustrating…trying to build a new character and a new life. My faith is a big part of it. 

Back to Square One

I now work 13-15 hour days as an HGV which means that I can no  longer attend the church and this felt like I was back to square one. I need the job and want a sense of purpose, but I’m now living to work.

"I've been out of prison for over 18 months now and have access to no church on a Sunday and no fellowship. So it's one extreme to the other”.

I tried to find another church that I can attend alongside my new work schedule, but it’s been tough. I’ve been out of prison for over 18 months now and have access to no church on a Sunday and no fellowship. So it’s one extreme to the other. I was in touch with a Pastor from a different church who said he’d try to help me attend, but we couldn’t find a date for me and my Probation Officer.ee

Pastor and Friend

I'm now back in contact with the church after losing touch for a while. I had changed my phone number, but the Pastor found my details by contacting the prison, who contacted Probation. He didn’t have to do that…he sought after me, because he hadn't heard from me and was worried. It was brilliant. He wasn't just  just fulfilling the role of a Pastor, he was fulfilling the role of a friend. It’s my hope to get plenty of experience so that I can get a job with more structure and then one day return to the weekday church group.

Thank you John for sharing your story.

*To protect his anonymity, John is not his real name. 

Disclaimer: This case study represents the individual’s views, not the views of the organisation 

A stock image has been used to ensure the anonymity of the individual

© Copyright The Welcome Directory / Registered charity: 1169014